I got her a Nickelback box set.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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