We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
