Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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