I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
