My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
