I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
