He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
