cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
