Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
