You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
