I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
