I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
