Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
