i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
