Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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