It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
