he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
