like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You dont lie about slip and slides
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
