life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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