so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
