Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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