so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
