dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
