I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
