who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
