dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
