those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want to be your penis for a week.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
