if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
