Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
