If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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