Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
