dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
