we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
