i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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