it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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