is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
