p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
