I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize