after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
