Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
