Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
