I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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