those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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