I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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