I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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