My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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