nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
