Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
