You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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