So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
