babies were throwing up all over the place
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
