Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
