Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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