drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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